Tonight we ’re present a new feature : Drunk Museum Reviews . We love museum . We love booze . Why not combine the two for the best weekend plans there are ? This calendar week : alcoholic beverage constabulary , the American Museum of Natural History , and me drunk - pilot a flying reptile to its doom .
I decided to start with a museum that I ’ve been to before and already love : the American Museum of Natural History . Joining me as museum expert and camerawoman was my roommate , who make love that place more than almost anyone . Which was significant because I necessitate her guidance the whole clock time .
The drunkenness : Our end was to beat the weekend crowds , plan to get to the museum shortly after 10 AM . Which necessitated getting inebriated at 9 am . That was our first mistake .
Our second misunderstanding was pick out to go on a Sunday , intend we ran afoul of New York ’s inebriant Torah . No alcohol before noon ! I forgot this , because , until very recently , I endure in California , where you’re able to get a ripe inebriated on starting at 6 AM .
So , while I had dreams of inaugurate this adventure with some classy , possibly theme , cocktails , we had to make do with mimosa made with the cheap champagne we had in our electric refrigerator . And the only drinking vessel we could find : A mug with an upside - down PNAS cover printed on it .
Well , at least it was reasonably thematic .
Once we kill the champagne , we moved on to drink rum directly from the bottleful . In the futurity , we ’re going to go on different day or go subsequently . Because , as I topped up my mug of improvised mimosa for the third fourth dimension in half an hour at a sentence of sidereal day I have n’t seen in months , I really started to question my life choice .
The Museum : We function to the American Museum of Natural History . Specifically , we went to “ Pterosaurs : Flight in the Age of Dinosaurs . ” It has an interactive component , and that seemed like an excellent way to figure out our exact levels of insobriety . ( Spoiler alerting : Very drunk . )
The first matter you discover when inebriated at a pterosaur display is just how difficult it is to read the names . Here ’s a selection of my screw - ups :
Rhamphorhynchus : Ramfotlinkus . Why did I think there was an ‘ L ’ in that ? I just thought it would be easy , I think .
Dimorphodon : I cause this rightfulness , but I assure I said it like I was a Power Ranger .
Jeholopterus ningchengensis : The second part went “ Ning - cheng - ensis ? Ning - chen - gensis ? Ning - chen - genesis ? ”
tapejara : I licitly just commence talking about tappa at this decimal point .
The 2nd matter we did was go to the synergistic pretence in the exhibit . At AMNH right now are three Kinect - same apparatuses that allow you to maneuver a flying flying reptile . In one , you glide and plunge for for Pisces . And in another , you seek to snatch up up bugs .
I could not have done this somber , much less inebriated . But being intoxicated , I think I over - empathized with my practical pterosaurs . I was somehow under the double impressions that A ) I was the pterosaur and that bacillus ) ducking and jumping was a more efficient way of flying that just moving my arms more or less .
Let me say that these matter are fucking unmanageable , all right ? First of all , it articulate you have to wave you arms to get down , but it started immediately after I abuse in front of it . This is where my over - empathy kicked in because I go yelling “ NO ! ” and examine to get the wight safely to some luncheon . or else , we crash into the water supply . And then we ’d get airborne again , only for me to hit the surface seconds later . Once , I fly so far out over the ocean , the thing just terminate . I intend my poor flying reptile wandered , without Din Land in sight , unable to even see the splashes that indicated fish .
I did finally manage to feed myself , but it was distinctly an accident . I did not care . I lionise like I ’d won the Super Bowl .
One lesson taught clearly in “ Pterosaurs : Flight in the Age of Dinosaurs ” is that if you ’re extend to be a flying reptile , eat fish , not hemipteron . take in a bug was im - fucking - possible . I tried for so long , my real life branch got threadbare . I flew into a Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree at one point . I also had an insane substance abuse of flying correctly at a dragonfly and then , when it was right-hand within grasp , diving into the ground for no reason . I was an awful bug - hunter . Though I maintain it was not my break : at the end of the telecasting below , I clearly vanish mighty through a bug , but the game did n’t read it . Bullshit .
Here ’s me crashing these matter all over the place and jumping like an idiot . The vocalism is my unfearing roommate , who had done this before and tried , in vain , to talk me through it .
Did you trance the part where I say “ I ’m just require a bug . I ’m hungry ! ” ? My drunk learning ability had intelligibly decided that I was one with the flying reptile . Also , I was athirst . Hence the “ tapas ” calamity earlier .
While I killed a flying reptile , a father pointed me out to his young child and said to watch me . I was , of class , at that point in no frame to be a child ’s function modelling . It was 10:15 in the morning , I was already intoxicated , and my “ strategy ” was to flap my arms like a hummingbird . gratefully , my roommate stepped in . I think it was funny at the time , but observe the video I realized she was more arch to me than any of the parent there were to their kids :
We pass away through the gift shop class , where we came face to facial expression with this horror :
What . The . Fuck . That is n’t a real creature . That ’s aReaperfrom Dr. Who . And it was n’t even the scariest one of these so - called “ kites . ” ( The image of the other one came out really hazy – bad about that . ) That was it for my drunken brain . I ’d depend at some beautiful fossil , pop some virtual pterosaurs through incompetence , and had the crap scared out of me by a kite . It was metre to allow .
close : Beyond recommend the exhibit mostly , which I do , this was a blast the whole way through . I even cogitate that all that flapping and jumping helped burn through the alcoholic drink . I ’m also rapidly occur to the conclusion that anything child have it away is double-dyed for drunks .
Fuck that kite , though .
In summary , two pterosaur wings up :
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