Photo: Claire Holt/Instagram
Almost a year aftersuffering a miscarriageand undergoing a consequentdilation and curettage procedure,The Originalsactress sat down for a chat withDr. Berlin’s Informed Pregnancy Podcast, where she recalled the initial joy of finding out she was pregnant for the first time and the heartbreaking turn of events shortly thereafter.
Holt, 30, told Dr. Elliot Berlin that although it took her six months to get her period after she went off of birth control, she and husbandAndrew Joblonconceived for the first time after just two cycles once her period returned.
“It was so shocking to us. I had no idea what that meant — ‘Is that okay? Do some babies measure small? What do you mean “Don’t put it on Facebook?” Do you mean wait because everyone should wait? Is there a problem — does this mean something? What’s the heart rate?’ ” Holt recalls of herquestions following the news.
“We were both so shocked and confused because we had no reason to believe something was going wrong,” she continues. “I had no bleeding, I had no cramping.”
It didn’t takelong for the guilt to creep in, Holt admits: “I just remember feeling this sense of, ‘Oh my God, what have I done? Have I done something? Was this my fault? Should I not have gone running? Did I eat something bad? Was it because I wore perfume? Is it because I had a glass of wine two days before I found out I was pregnant?’ ”
“So I really had to focuson getting out of that place andtrying to hope that things would be okay,” she says.
RELATED VIDEO: Katie Lowes on Suffering a Miscarriage at Three Months Pregnant: “There Was No Heartbeat”
After the tech looked for a few more minutes, Holt requested for her to turnthe sound on, but they heard nothing— an experience she describes as “devastating” for her and her husband.
“I think it was the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life,” she says. “It felt like [people close to me dying] times 10 with the guilt of, ‘I couldn’t do this.’ ”
Holt’s parents and siblings were in town at the time — which turned out to be a blessing for the star, who says she doesn’t quite understand why otherswould choose to “suffer through that alone”despite privacy preferences.
And given this current pregnancy, Holt has the attitude of, “We get the children that we’re meant to have,” she says of her optimistic outlook on impending motherhood.
“I feel I wouldn’t have met this little guy if that pregnancy had gone ahead and there must be a reason for that,” the mom-to-be explainsof her son on the wayand the “spiritual” peace she has found since her miscarriage.
“I’ve gotten to a place [where I think] there is a reason that happened to me and as awful as it was, I wouldn’t change it.”
source: people.com
